I love my days off. I'm aware that i generally accomplish nothing of value on my days off, but that doesn't make me love them any less. In the back of my mind, I've always aspired to be something greater. I've always wanted my life to mean more. But, what if this is all I am? What if i never amount to anything more than who I am right now? Would I be ok with that? Honestly, if my life also ended today, then yes, I would. But, if i had to continue living like this for the rest of forever, then obviously no. I do want to amount to something great... I just haven't got any idea what. or even where to begin. What the hell am i really good at anyway? What am I passionate about? I keep waiting to have this "crystallizing moment." One day I'll just wake up and know what I should do. But, more often it's become clear that nothing will ever make sense if I don't just move forward. with something. with ANYTHING. It's beyond frustrating to watch everyone else I know succeed at something. It's beyond depressing to be 23 years old and feel as though I've accomplished nothing worthwhile in my life so far. It's my own fault. I suppose I should have really spent some time figuring out what I wanted to study before I tried to go to school and wasted far too much money taking classes I didn't particularly like.

I used to be this incredibly creative person, but I feel like that part of me has been blocked somehow. Like there's something holding me back. Something is wrong. I can't move forward.

It's annoying that most of my inability to create is deterred by my lack of money...
and the fact that I have an incredibly stupid day job. I can't feel like myself with this job... and no one understands that.

I feel like I can't do anything until I move on and get a new job.
I can't be creative, I can't even write anything meaningful.

I hate this.